Aku cinta kamu juga
by VibrantShadow
Summary: Two Malec one-shots called The doubts of Alexander Lightwood - a hurt/comfort fic in which Alec doubts if Magnus actually loves him - and Pillow Talk which is pure fluff.


**The title is Indonesian for I love you too. I took this down a couple of weeks back when I lost my confidence but I've decided to re-upload it.**

**Warning: The doubts of Alexander Lightwood contains thoughts of suicide but it doesn't happen don't worry I'm not that cruel. If you don't want to read that you can skip to Pillow talk which is further down.**

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**The doubts of Alexander Lightwood**

I could tell Magnus was starting to get frustrated that I still hadn't came out to my parents or Jace for that matter. Even though he hasn't realised this I'm just as if not more annoyed at myself.

How if I loved someone so much could I not even tell my parents that I happen to like the same sex. I should be proud enough of having Magnus Bane to shout it from the roof tops and not be afraid of what everyone else thought of me. But instead I hide in his apartment and make tones of excuses as to why we should stay in so I'm not caught.

Caught.

It sounds like I'm doing some sort of illegal activity when there is really nothing wrong with it at all. But I know my parents don't feel the same. They shun it, the clave shuns it and if they find out about me they'll shun me to. And no matter how much we fight, I'm still afraid of losing them, it'll rip the whole family apart. I can't do that to them, we already have enough problems as it is with Mum and Dad being gone constantly. One more hit and my family cracks like a mirror, so slowly its excruciating to be a part of.

Then it shatters and the messed up barely held together family that is the Lightwoods will be no more. If there are three things I know for sure in my life it's 1. I love Magnus Bane 2. I love my family and 3. If I did anything to hurt either one of them I couldn't live with myself.

So the question is how do I balance it? How can I get rid of the sad look Magnus gives me when he thinks I'm not looking but keep the adoration I see in Max's eyes when I read manga with him. That's when I realize it'd be better for both of them if I didn't exist. Magnus could have someone who's not afraid to be seen with him and my family would look up to Jace who's a way better hunter than I am.

And it's so simple. It's what led me to the ledge.

Speeding cars and busy pedestrians lead their normal lives below me, unbeknownst to the thoughts plaguing me storeys above. I look up to the sun setting in the distance making everything glow like fire but with the aura of calm you'd find on still water, undisturbed by little children and rowing boats or even ducklings.

But that's enough delaying.

Taking a deep breath I look straight ahead and say "I love you, Magnus Bane".

I hear nothing behind me and stand still in silence for a minute before taking a peak over my shoulder.

Before I see anything warm arms are wrapped around my waist and Magus nuzzles my neck before saying "I love you too" and we stand there for a while watching the sunset until Magnus gets chilly and says he knows one way we could warm up and tries to drag me back to the apartment. After a little persuasion of the only type that works on him - I let him kiss me until it felt like my lungs would explode then he demanded I hurry up before walking away shaking his ass in the process.

Not that I was looking of course I thought as I laughed and turned back to the ledge. I could have jumped off, committed suicide, let my body free fall before being pray to the cold concrete. But in truth that wasn't a simple option. Imagine leaving everyone you loved because you knew they were better off without you. It sounds selfless when I think about it that way but it really isn't. I'd be hurting them even more if I died. So it's obvious really. I don't die. I don't leave.

Instead I have to try to make it work. After months of knowing I loved him I finally told Magnus and he accepts me and even loves me back. The thought puts a smile on my face. Who knows maybe one day I'll actually pluck up the courage to tell my parents and maybe just maybe they'll accept me for who I am just like Magnus and Izzy do. Until then though I have Magnus the Magnificent waiting for me downstairs, and that thought puts an even bigger grin on my face as I step away and to my Bane.

**Pillow Talk**

I nuzzle Alexander's neck even more as he shifts in my arms in the process letting cold air worm it's way through the sheets.

"I want to wake up like this everyday" Alec murmurs. I make a sound in agreement as I tighten my arms around him encasing him in case he tries to get up.

"Last night was perfect" Alec says. It was truly perfect, but of course it was always going to be because I organised it. A picnic on the roof, watching the sunset. It was a very typically romantic thing to do and normally I wouldn't do something like that but Alec brings out something in me which makes me want to prove myself to him, seems like it's working too as I remember the 'dessert'. Alec shuffles in my arms but I let him as he's only turning round so his head nuzzles my neck.

"My dear, anymore nuzzling and it'll be our 'thing'" I say playfully .

"You started it!" Alec shoots back before playfully nipping my jugular with his teeth.

"Don't start a fight you can't win!" I roll so he's pinned to the bed underneath me and we look at each other with such intensity that after a minute we burst into laughter.

However Alec saw his chance and tried to roll us over. Unfortunately for me there was no bed left to roll on and we tumbled to the floor in a tangle of limbs and sheets Alec landing on top of me. Tiredness caught up with Alexander as he slumped onto me and snuggled in to go back to sleep as if we weren't lying on the bedroom floor.

"Alexander!"

"Magnus"

"Honestly!" I said with a tone of mild annoyance. Alexander ignored me instead shifting to get comfortable.

Then he said "Thank you, for last night. It really was perfect".

"You're very welcome" I replied "Though I still can't believe what you said".

"But. It's. True" he protested punctuating every word with a kiss on the point between my neck and collar bone.

"What's true?" I teased fishing for the right reply. Alexander lifted his head up slightly and whispered against my Lips "I Love you" before leaning down for a kiss.


End file.
